My Monkey Brain Finally has a Diagnosis of ADHD

Thank you, Tik Tok, for diagnosing me with something new.  Yes, I’ve been dealing with this for years, but thanks to social media, I finally know what I’m dealing with.  In fairness to blaming Tik Tok or Reels, maybe I should be thanking them.  Thank you social media, now I know that I’m not ‘normal’ and my monkey brain really has a name: ADHD.

For years I assumed that my lack of focus, losing things, fidgeting, procrastination, rapid fire brain (especially when it’s quiet) and history of anxiety were just… normal.  It wasn’t until my well meaning sister pointed all this out, that I even gave my brain a second thought.  Sure I’ve struggled with anxiety for most of my life, of course my brain never quiets down, but isn’t that just life?  Looking dead serious at my husband I asked him this and he said, absolutely not.

A few weeks ago I woke up on a Saturday morning and was already several thought cycles deep when my husband asks me what I’m thinking about.  Easy.

“Are donkeys and mules the same thing and if not what makes them different?”

 My husband, Tim, starts laughing, “Why are you thinking about this first thing in the morning?”

“Well, my brother just bought a farm, he wants to get chickens, but they bring snakes.  Yes, he can get barn cats, but for Tennessee snakes he should just get a donkey.  Mary (sister in-law) said there is a donkey shortage, so I was wondering if there is a difference between donkeys and mules.  Maybe, if there isn’t a difference they can just find a mule.” 

That is how our Saturday morning started and why I have Google searches of donkey versus mule.   

Side note here, donkeys and mules are different.  Donkeys are a breed all their own.  When donkeys and horses mate they have mules.  Mules are the cross breed and are sterile.  Thank you Google.

I could give you example after example, but this is how my brain works.  I have never questioned it, I just thought that everyone’s brain went from 0-60 this quickly and flipped through numerous thoughts like slide show pictures.

Now that I know that I'm different (I mean, duh!) I've decided that my 'monkey brain' is actually a superpower. If Captain America can be a superhero with just a shield (as pointed out by my morning radio show partner), then my ADHD can be my superpower.

Yes, having ADHD can be exhausting and at times frustrating, but it has also been a key to my success. I don’t know what it’s like to have a quiet brain.  I have no idea what it’s like to focus on one thing and not have a million other thoughts going on at the same time. Is this really a thing?

Perhaps my 'monkey brain' is part of the reason that I've always enjoyed the chaos and creativity of working in radio. Hosting a radio show is exciting, constantly changing and I love it. Random people walking into the radio studio while I'm talking, editing and operating a sound board, great! Although I have no proof, I believe my brain craves the chaos.

The flip side of my newfound superpower is the emotional and intellectual exhaustion that is left in its wake.  Most people incorrectly assume that when I sleep my brain rests. Is this a thing too? That may be the case for some people, but not for me. It takes my brain awhile to fall asleep and when I do all my non-stop thoughts turn into vivid dreams. I would venture to say that my brain also works out a lot of problems in my sleep through dreams. It's no wonder that I often wake up feeling physically rested, but not mentally.

I have been debating taking medication to quiet my brain down and give myself a reprieve. At times I believe this might be a great option and other times I’m scared at how medication would impact me.  Would it change my personality?  What does it feel like to have a brain that isn’t constantly on a treadmill?  Would I be able to relax more easily?

My husband believes that I would miss my monkey brain.  He thinks that after living with it for so long, I might find a quieter mind boring. Maybe he's right. For now, I’m just proud of myself for finishing this blog. I only picked up the cat twice, got more water, and looked out the window a half dozen times. Xox"

Toothless the cat who is distracting me