The Corona virus-Covid-19 has started virtual ‘booty lonely calls’. I thought I was just the lucky recipient of the “Hey, what’s up? How are you holding up?” Me: “Umm, I’m sorry, who is this?” BC (booty call): It’s me, ____ we went out once two years ago?” Me: “Oh, I’m great- thanks for asking. Hope you are too.” Block number – done. I would say that I’ve had 1-2 of these a week since we went into social quarantine. I thought I was the only lucky lady receiving these heartfelt connections, but of course I’m not. I happened to overhear a friend of mine (male) say he was at home, bored and lonely, so he started reaching out to his exes?! OMG- please stop I told him. Please leave these poor women alone who you didn’t want to date.
Here is my take- people are lonely and isolated and afraid to feel it. What happens when we’re alone? We think, we feel and we’re forced to deal with ourselves. I honestly feel like I’ve been prepping for this my whole life, especially the last four years since my divorce. It was then that I really turned inward and asked myself the tough questions. I went from the security of having someone and being in a relationship to standing on my own and feeling my feelings. I knew at my core that if I didn’t feel them that I would repeat the hard lessons of life that got me here. The saying that “You have to feel to heal” had never been truer in my life. I think that is what this virus is causing right now- deep feelings and for some people that is scary. What do I do with this fear of being alone? How do I isolate with someone I don’t know or like? What if that person is me?
My great extraordinaire therapist/ friend Deb taught me that every feeling has a thought. Don’t just feel, find the thought that goes with it. Look at it – feel it- acknowledge it and know that it it’s on the way out once you start feeling it. You won’t feel loneliness, fear, anger or whatever you’re feeling forever. Trust me, you won’t. Journal? If not, great time to start. Write down those feelings and thoughts and deal with yourself. I say all of this from 100% experience. When you don’t feel things, they bottle up and will grab you when you least want or expect it. They always have a way of coming out and it’s usually not at the most convenient time or in the most appropriate way. Crying at work? Outbursts? Snapping at your children? All feelings/thoughts that you haven’t deal with yet. Some of them may seem ugly or ridiculous, but they’re not. They are feelings and they’re yours and you are beautifully made and they won’t sink you.
So, instead of reaching out to an old flame/date/hook-up and avoiding feeling your feelings….feel them. That ex is an ex for a reason. That one date that you didn’t want to go out with again is just that. We’re isolated and lonely and that’s our reality today. Feel it and know that you’ve got this and I’ve got you. I see you- I feel you and I am you. I’m sending you light- love and a great sense of humor because we need all three these days. I’m also here to remind you that today won’t be tomorrow and this thing won’t last forever. Xoxo
