Is Marriage Necessary At This Age?
Do I want to get married again? When it comes to dating in middle age this is a common question. I’ve asked it and I’ve had it asked of me. Do you see yourself getting married again?
Let me explain.
I grew up in a very traditional Midwestern home. Everyone got married either out of high school or college. You definitely got married in your 20’s, otherwise people wondered what was wrong with you. Marriage was just the natural culmination of dating, college, graduation = marriage.
My experience with marriage is simple; I did the marriage thing and it didn’t last. I know I’m stating the obvious, because here I am divorced and dating at 50. This wasn’t’ the ‘plan’, but, who really does plan on getting divorced?
The question though is, do I want to get married again.
That was my answer after my divorce. No way in hell would I want to go through that again. The marriage was never what I believed it to be and the divorce was equally messy and heartbreaking. Do I want to risk that pain again?
Would I get married again?
That is my answer today, but there are some serious caveats to the yes.
Yes, IF/Maybe….Yes, if that is something that we both wanted after dating and being able to enjoy each other. Maybe, if it’s not a big church going affair or production. Maybe/Yes, if the foundation of a true partnership was in place. Yes, maybe, but… not necessary.
A girlfriend of mine never wants to get married again. In fact, she’s been with her boyfriend for several years and wants a ‘promise to never get married ring’. He agrees. Ring yes – commitment yes – marriage no.
Is marriage important when you don’t want to have kids and you’re older? For me, I want first and foremost a true friendship and partnership. I have never had either and yet I was married. Partnership and being able to say anything to my partner is the foundation for me. True connection and commitment.
There is also part of me that fears marriage will ruin a relationship. Maybe it’s the fact that the focus becomes the future and there is a lack of being present. Maybe it’s the fact that couples date for years, get married and then break-up. Why? Was it the marriage or did the relationship just run its’ course?
I have no idea what will happen with marriage in my future. In some weird way, I hope that I feel strongly enough about someone that I’m able to tell him all of this. That doesn’t mean we’ll get married, but that we both see a long term future together. OR maybe just having a lifelong boyfriend like Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell would be sexy. Can you get rings if you’re not married? I say yes, because I do like a nice sparkler. ;)