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  • Melissa Moore

Texting Is A Dating Disaster

Dating is the school of hard knocks. It’s lessons, lessons, lessons and most likely lessons you really didn’t want to learn! I was talking to a girlfriend of mine and she said, “You need to write down all the things you’ve learned so that you don’t forget them!” She is absolutely right.  When you’re in the moment of meeting someone and starting to connect, all common sense and any lessons you’ve learned can go right out the window.  The big ah ha moment you swore you’d never forget – gone.  So I decided that I’m going to blog my journey and the lessons along the way.  I’ll add to them as they happen and trust me they’re piling up faster than snow in Steamboat.

FIRST MAJOR DATING LESSON: Texting connection does not equal real connection.  If you’re not in the dating world, you may be thinking, DUH! Yet in the dating world, texting is King.  There is a lot more texting than actual conversations on the phone in today’s dating scene.  You text, they text, you text and get excited when you see the ‘…’ pop up, because you know they’re getting ready to respond.  By the way, thank you Apple for taking texting to an almost psycho level.  The worst is when the person has the ‘read’ feature on their text and you know they read it, but didn’t respond.  WTH is happening? Why haven’t they texted back? Where is the ‘…’? Then a ding pops up and phew, crisis averted.  Seriously – texting is just a short cut to feeling crazy in the dating world!

Another problem with texting, you have NO idea what the person sounds like. I knew, but didn’t realize how important a good voice was to me.  At first I thought it was because I was in radio and having a good voice is one of the foundations.  Yet talking to other friends of mine they concur- you have to like the voice of the person to like them.  I tried an experiment and talked to a guy via text but never heard his voice until we met.  We meet and as soon as he said ‘hi’ I was done.  I couldn’t take it.  I squirmed, chugged my Venti whatever and then ‘had to get to work’.  I mean honestly, I can’t say you’re hot but your voice is like nails on a chalkboard and I’d rather have a hot poker to my eyeball.   So, work excuse was true….but not as urgent as I made it sound.  I’m not into lying, but way better than hurting someone’s feelings and self-esteem.

Also, with texting you have no idea if how you meant the text to be read is how it was received. Sarcasm does not translate well in a new texting relationship.  It comes across as jerky.  Also, someone who isn’t a big talker may answers question with one or two words.  This can feel rude!  If you’re prone to chattiness, then you can find yourself over explaining in text.  Then the person getting the text thinks you’re crazy.  Texting is just not the same as a phone conversation, which is not the same as talking face to face.  Texting can be fun but it can also be the starting gate for miscommunication.

The benefit of texting (yes there are some!) – It allows you to ask more in-depth questions than you might feel comfortable with in person. It allows you to jump into the nitty gritty and gives the person receiving the texts time to really construct their answer.  I think this can be a good thing, if you’re both on the same level of texting ability.  It just can’t be the only way you communicate.  It’s like learning to ski.  You start on the bunny slopes (texting) but eventually have to move to a level that will challenge you and cause you to grow.  You don’t have to jump to the double black diamonds, but you do have to leave the bunny slope.  Can you imagine buying an Epic pass just to ski the bunny slopes? No.  Texting is just to get you comfortable for the next level.

If you’re divorced or dating later in life, you most likely didn’t expect to be looking for love at this point in your life, but here you are. I’m with you.  This wasn’t plan A or even B, but this is my life today.  I never would have thought that I’d be dating in a generation of dating apps and texting as the main source of communication.  I also never thought I’d go on a date with a guy that licked my face, but I did! I hope that you can laugh with me and all my dating adventures misadventures!  And if at the end of a bad date you think, wow that really stunk. Remember, at least you didn’t have someone lick your face.


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