Giving Up OR Waiting For The Right One?
I don’t even know what to say about my dating life any longer. I’ve been asked numerous times lately about how my dating life is going? Hmmm….let me see. Ever get a paper cut and then forget about it and slice a lime and get the juice in your cut? It’s burning and you’re ready to scream, but it’s a paper cut and how could this annoying little cut bother you so much?!! Yep. That’s how my dating life is going. I’m honestly not sure what to do at this point and I’m also strangely okay with that. At least I think I’m okay with it? It’s me and let’s be honest -that may change in an hour. Here’s the thing; I was dating a good guy- but it just didn’t work out. Good person- we’re just at different places in our life. He’s more of a gypsy and I am someone that craves stability from someone. My big ah-ha moment came when I realized that just because I can’t do the life that he is living, doesn’t make him OR me a bad person. It’s not you, it’s me. Well…really it’s you but that’s okay because it’s also me!
I remember going out with someone a couple of years ago who told me that he had been divorced for 5 years and thought for sure that he’d be remarried by now. That’s an interesting statement, because I think that a lot of us have some sort of relationship time-line in our heads. I know I was guilty of this, but today I am honestly afraid to have a timeline. Side note: I did see a psychic in Sedona, AZ this year and she told me that my ‘true love’ was three years away. Then she told me that this timeline could change in the blink of an eye. Crap. Now I’m more confused than ever. Three years or blink of an eye? Does that mean I just give up for three years or do I continue to sit at the table with all the purses at the dance and just hope someone asks me to dance? At this point I honestly don’t even know if I WANT to go to the dance.
Today, I love being single. I have a great tribe of friends and a daughter I adore. The other truth is that at times I do get lonely and at times wish for that special person. Then I get overwhelmed by the idea and question if I really want a relationship at all. My friends say I do and that I wouldn’t mind the effort if I met the right person. Is that true? That’s kind of been my alligator mind wrestling thing here lately. Would the right person be worth the effort of a real relationship? I just don’t know. When you know better, you do better (Maya Angelou). True, but what if you just don’t know?? My therapist and friend always tells me that when in doubt, do nothing. Do nothing? Right – do nothing. Be still. Be zen like. Do nothing when in doubt. Crap, does that mean you just sit with your feelings and not act irrationally somehow? Ugh. Do nothing. Okay, so I guess that’s what I’m doing in my dating life right now, nothing. But, maybe doing nothing and wanting nothing are different? Maybe not wanting to settle is not the same as not wanting amazing. Okay, so I’m doing nothing to find Mr. Wonderful but I’m open to meeting Mr. Wonderful. That sounds more real and feels honest. Did I just change my mind or get clarity? I vote clarity.