We CHOOSE Love & Family
What will I write about now that I found my person? That seems to be the question that I’ve been asked the most regarding my blogs. What will you write about now?
It’s a fair question.
One of my friends called me the Taylor Swift of blog dating. I’d date- write a blog – reflect –date –write a blog. It was part of my journey and healing. I think it was also part reckoning for some of my dates.
What is next?
Life, blending, reflecting, living, thriving, surviving, reflecting and repeat. So, that is the short answer to the question.
When you fall in love later in life you tend to blend. Blend households, pets, furniture, family, traditions, etc.. WE get to decide what stays (furniture, hobbies, traditions) and what things we want to rework.
One of the coolest additions to my life in this stage are my bonus ‘daughters’. In meeting ‘him’ I gained more family. I gained two girls, whom I simply adore and love.
It’s different when the kids are older. They have a great mom whom they love- I’m just bonus. Hopefully bonus friend, confidant and ‘mom like’ figure. I’m not here to replace anyone, just bonus love on them. It’s also a privilege that I recognize.
For my daughter- she gets a bonus ‘dad’ like figure to love her too. She gets someone who is choosing to love her, know her and be involved in her life. When someone chooses you- it’s a powerful feeling.
As a part of this blending and bonus love- we have developed a relationship with the girls’ mom and fiancé. It’s a healthy and kind relationship. Why? We’re all adults and when you put the kids first – it makes the decisions that follow relatively easy. For some people it may sound odd – for me it is refreshing. I have the extreme opposite with my ex - I’ll take this any old day!
Part of this phase of life is building what works for us. I like that we are choosing what our family will look and feel like. My goal is that all the kids feel loved and that they belong. Family isn’t stagnant – it should grow and become more inclusive.
When I became really clear on what I wanted, it was easy to identify and toss what I don’t want. Choosing to have ‘our kids’ as a collective is a huge step towards inclusion. And inclusion doesn’t just mean the kids.
Family is what we choose.