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  • Melissa Moore

You Have What in Your Butt?

There is something weird that happens when you tell someone that you are voluntarily getting pellets put in your butt. Let me back up - I have a long history with pellets in my booty. When I was a preteen and walking home from school I got shot with a pellet gun. In the butt. As in it was a whole big thing and left marks on my butt and psyche. I won't get into the drama of my mother calling the police or my butt pics in the police files. Long story.

So, I once again decided to get pellets in my butt. This time though, it was different. Oh and it is a true medical thing. Hormone pellets to be more exact and it's something for perimenopausal and women with hormone issues.

After my hysterectomy last September my body went a little 'crazy'. I mean, it wasn't me being irritated, annoyed, tired and exhausted by life. It was my lack of hormones that left me a mess of misunderstood emotions. The break down at the grocery story over their lack of club soda (screw supply chain issues) - totally hormone related. So, being a qualified Google doctor (which I believe I am), I found out about hormone pellets.

A girlfriend of mine shared with me that she too had done Biote one time. For her, it was too much. She started by telling me that she was having orgasms just going over speed bumps. What?! I don't need that, but energy and feeling normal- awesome. So I had my blood drawn, analyzed and then made an appointment to get the hormone pellets put in.

Hormone pellets are inserted in the upper fatty portion of your butt and dissolve over time. The doctor runs blood tests, then picks the right hormone levels for your specific hormone needs. The hormones are delivered in dissolvable pellets that are inserted via a small incision. The incision is then closed with with medical tape and gauze and heals within a few days. Viola you now have hormones! Then about 4-6 months later they start to run out and you do it all over again. Just for reference, I had brand name Biote hormones put in my body.

The first go around went pretty smoothly. I was no longer falling asleep on the couch after work and seemed to overall feel better. Then a few months later I started feeling angry and irritable - yep - after four months the hormones were running out. Time to go back!

Round two hasn't been as smooth. My doctor made a few small changes, equaling too much testosterone. The first six weeks post new pellets I felt this underlying irritation simmering almost daily. Then my skin started breaking out. Maybe my libido would have been awesome, but I was too irritated to notice. Damn it!

Today, I'm feeling almost 'normal' after the first two months of rollercoaster emotions. Normal doesn't sound exciting, but that's all I am honestly wanting to feel. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but having hormone issues feels like I'm being held hostage by a person I don't recognize. Easily irritated, emotionally exhausted, physically tired and overwhelmed. That's how I feel at my hormonal worst. It's not a fun feeling and I know it's not always fun on my guy. Sorry babe.

At this point I know that my current hormone pellets will probably run out in about 2 months. I admit I'm a little bit panicked about what to do next. I can't go through another round like this last one. Only feeling like 'me' for 2 out of 4 months isn't enough. Do I need a new doctor who more closely monitors my hormone levels? Probably. Should I find a holistic doctor and treat it holistically? Maybe. I honestly am not sure what the answer will look like, but I know I will need some sort of hormone help.

I'm sharing all of this for one simple reason, to open up the conversation about our health. I love that we are talking more today about hormones and women, but I think we need to start having next level conversations. Hormones aren't just about libidos and our lady parts getting old. Hormones are the baseline for so much of women's everyday health and wellness. The fact that most insurance companies don't pay for customized hormone pellets or creams is ridiculous. Birth control pills - sure, but those aren't customized and not for women as they age. We deserve more. We deserve to feel like our best and most beautiful selves and not a cookie cutter version of what insurance companies deem our female best.

It also makes me sad and angry to think of how many of our sisters are suffering hormone hell, because they don't know about bioidentical hormones and/or they can't afford them. Woman are given old data tested hormones and told to go on antidepressants. Again, we need and deserve more! My hope is that more open hormone health conversations will lead to awareness and much needed change.

I'm on a quest to figure all of this out and my goal is to simply feel better. I don't know what my answer will look like. A holistic doctor and yam supplements? Bioidentical hormones? Yoga and acupuncture? Nutrition changes? All of the above? What I do know is that I'm going to find my solution and share what I find. Every woman needs to know what options are out there for us and we deserve to feel good damn it!


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