When the Universe wants your attention, watch out. On January 25th of this year I learned this life lesson with a force that only the Universe could deliver. I had just left the radio station and instead of going home was headed to pick up my sexy new eyeglasses. Taking a different way home I called my friend Lisa, who ran the eyeglass company, to let her know I was on my way. To my surprise, Lisa answered from home because she was out sick. Sitting at a red light chatting with my friend, I never saw it coming.
I think it's a blessing that I wasn't looking in my rearview mirror and there were no screeching tire sounds, because I never saw the car coming for me. One minute I'm happily chatting and the next I'm being slammed into from behind with such a force that my airbags deployed and my tank built car spun into oncoming traffic. As my car and body were spinning I heard myself screaming and I cried out, "Please God don't let this be the end."
In the seconds the crash took, I felt my whole life deeply. They say you see your life 'flash before your eyes' and in some ways that was true for me. I saw my wedding just a month earlier and was terrified that our life together was being cut short. I saw my little girl, who was now 18, smiling at me and telling me how much she loved me. I thought of my sister - best friend who was dealing with an awful season of depression. My heart was so scared, because I wasn't ready to leave them. This couldn't be the end of my life ... I wasn't done yet.
When the car finally stopped spinning I sat unmoving in shock. My side-airbags had deployed, making it difficult to see which direction I was facing or anything around me. I felt isolated and terrified wondering if another car was going to strike me again. Physically my head was throbbing, my neck hurt and my leg felt like it might be broken. On top of the fear I also felt a deep gratitude to be breathing and was able to whisper thank you to my God.
In what was probably only minutes after my crash, my driver's side door opened and a man leaned in and reassured me that help was on the way. He crouched down at my eye level and said that he was an off-duty police officer and had witnessed the whole thing. He asked about my head and neck and told me sit still. He left and that's when SHE showed up.
With my door open and my side airbags covering the window, a middle aged woman with long blonde hair, thin arms and soft small hands leaned in and touched my arm. As I looked into her eyes I knew her. She was the most recognizable person I've ever seen or felt in my entire life. I saw her and immediately my soul wanted to tell her that I was so glad that she was there. I recognized her as if I'd seen her every day of my life. I knew her, yet I had no idea what her name was or how I knew her. As she crouched down next to me rubbing my arm she told me that I would be okay and to hang on. As her hands gently rubbed my arm I felt this amazing peace wash through me. I looked at my arm, then looked back up as she stood and left.
At the hospital I learned so much more about what had happened at that red light. The woman who hit me was drunk and crashed into me going 45-50 miles per hour. My car, a European sedan that we had just purchased months earlier saved my life. The police officer told me that I probably wouldn't be here if it wasn't for that car and how it was built. Ironically, I had just recently purchased that car because of a funny conversation with my husband. That conversation, that choice of cars saved my life that day.
While at the hospital, the doctors and staff ran tests, X-rays and told me that luckily I had no broken bones, but was suffering from a concussion, torn shoulder and bruising. I was lucky to be alive.
In the weeks and months that followed it took my body and brain a lot of quiet and time to heal. I didn't have much appetite for socialization and my radio show left me exhausted and in need of a daily nap. Weeks later when we finally got a chance to see the police report my husband got a strange look on his face as he was reading it. I was afraid to ask what was wrong. Did he see pictures of the crash that upset him?
Due to me being hit by a drunk driver, the criminal report was weeks in the making and quite extensive. Reading through that report with all the witness statements and details, something was missing. Tim scoured through the whole twenty plus page document and couldn't find the one witness statement that should have been in there. The mystery woman who rubbed my arm. Then calling and talking with the lead investigator he learned that there were no female witnesses to the crash. The woman who had rubbed my arm just seconds after the off-duty police officer left my side didn't exist.
Here is where you have a choice to make in this story. I believe that she was there and as real as you and me. She was flesh and blood, yet she was something beyond our understanding. Today, I know in my soul that she was one of my angels. I also know that she changed my life that day when she touched my arm. The peace she gave me went beyond a feeling, it pulled at my soul and grounded me.
That day in January changed me in so many small and large ways. My priorities and feelings on my time and energy took on a new meaning, and are still evolving. Friendships changed and some ran their course after not hearing from me for so many months. This is the first time I'm writing about this, so for some it may be an a-ha moment of so that's where she went! I have no hard feelings, we are all busy and we all have full life plates. For the friends, family and co-workers who did know about the accident and constantly checked in - thank you. The flowers filling my room after my crash brought me more joy than I can explain. My husband with his wicked sense of humor said, "They know you didn't die, right?".
My guess is that we always think we have more time. As my car was spinning and I asked to not let this be the end, the answer could have been very different. Looking back on that day I couldn't tell you what I was worried about outside of my sister's health. I couldn't tell you who was irritating me or what I was working on at the station. All that other life crap that I'm sure felt important that afternoon, I have no idea today what it was. Like I said, when the Universe wants your attention, it will happen. xxoo Melissa
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