Last time I said ‘yes’ to marriage I had my doubts. I knew going in there were red flags and I decided to plow them down with hope and a dash of stupidity. I believed I would be married forever; yet I also had a nagging suspicion that something was off. Seeing how I’m divorced today- you can correctly guess that I was right.
When I started dating after my divorce, I thought it would be easy. I really thought that the online thing would make it simpler than dating had been in the 90s. Once again, I was wrong. Very, very wrong.
Dating in my 40’s after a divorce was anything but easy. In fact, it was one ROMCOM after another and I was the haphazard ‘star’ .
Highlights: A guy who licked my face on our first date, another forgot he had been out with me two weeks prior and NEVER realized it. Another who surprised me by picking me up to crack my back. Craziness.
After 5 years of ‘trying’ , I finally gave up online dating last Spring. I was done. Put a nail in that coffin.
“Have you tried…”.
Yes. I tried almost all of the apps and it’s the same people as A, B, C and D websites. All the same people - same holding a fish pictures - same. I was done.
Being done with online dating was freeing. No longer did I feel like I had a part-time job looking for love and no longer was I going to settle for another online guy.
Let me be clear- I still desired to find someone and had a glimmer of hope tucked really deep inside of me, BUT I was also done. If love was meant to be, it would have to find me.
Fast forward and I meet a good guy through mutual friends. I found him interesting, handsome and uninterested in me. At least that’s what I thought. I had asked him out for a drink, and since he had a previously committed date lined up, he said no. His reason for the 'no, thank you' was that he didn’t go out with multiple people at the same time. I took that as a thanks, but no thanks.
When we finally did get a chance to meet up I had zero expectations of a relationship. I hoped to make a new friend who I could commiserate with over our funny dating disaster stories. I had no expectations of him at all. Once again, I was wrong.
Somehow having no expectations and not meeting through a dating app worked. We shut down the restaurant that night, easily talking and laughing for 5 hours.
We've been together nearly every day since and plan on every day from here on out.
It’s easy. It’s natural and I laugh and smile more than I ever have in my life. He is the person I never thought I would find, but always hoped to meet.
Oh, and something else. I said yes! This time I have no doubts, no red flags and am in no rush. He asked me while we were in Cabo a month ago today and it was the easiest yes that I've ever said to anything.
Someday when the time is right we’ll make it legal.
And just like that, I got it right.
xoxo Melissa